Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
