Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
