There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
