I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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