IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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