my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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