dude i'm inner monologue high
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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