I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
