The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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