We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
