then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
