I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
