please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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