You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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