This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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