That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
