State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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