you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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