can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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