Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he puts the penis in happiness.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
