So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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