what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
