Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
