I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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