my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
