Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
