the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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