New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I still have a little drunk in my system
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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