I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
