So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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