i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
