Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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