i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
