i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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