I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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