Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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