i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Buhtt sex?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
