So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
