Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize