What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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