I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
