Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
