Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I smell stomach acid.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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