It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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