Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
