32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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