so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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