Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
