If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
