Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
