i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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