i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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