Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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