The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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