this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
