Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
