How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
