five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
