she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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