Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What a dumb baby whore.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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