the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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