I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
