I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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