Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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