Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
