I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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