An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
