I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
