I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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