i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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