You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
