I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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