dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
