i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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