Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
