We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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